How to Guard Your Heart and Mind
Happy New Year! As we start another year with positive intentions, I can't help but take a moment to remind each of us that our hearts and mind are what keep intentions. When I think of cultivating joy and living a life that I enjoy, I know that what I consume can either empower me or derail me on my journey.
Guarding the Heart and the Mind
I found myself reflecting on a conversation I heard between my great-grandmother and uncle when I was around 10. I heard her speaking to him about the influence of television and how it could negatively impact us in the future. It was a candid conversation about awareness and being alert of consumption. I didn't fully comprehend what she was saying back then, but I must've known that something about their conversation was important and that I needed to hold on to those words. When I think about guarding my heart and my mind, I recall this conversation because it reminds me that something so simple and cutting edge could be the thing that derails me from my truest desires.
As I have matured, I have learned to limit what I take in. I want to make sure that whatever I'm fueling myself with is life-giving, and it's something that inspires me or informs me about life outside of myself.
If conversations or the content that I take in doesn't fit into those categories, then chances are, I'm not going to consume it. I know that what I take in impacts my heart and my mind. If I'm going to be the guard of my heart and mind, then I must be relentless about what I allow to enter my sphere. I admit that I can't always control what will enter my life. If I turn on the television and flip to a channel showing inappropriate or harmful content, then I can change the channel, but I can't change what I caught a glimpse of.
When there is awareness of what is good for your heart and mind, you better understand what isn't nurturing or healthy for you.
Heighten Your Awareness
Harm isn't always the worst-case scenario. Harm can be subtle and sneaky. Most of the time, harm presents itself as tiny injuries and incidents. These occurrences are so small that there is a buildup if they continue to happen, and hopefully, it will become noticeable before the buildup is too great. And with the awareness, it may also feel painful. I recently found myself aware of the pain my mind and body were experiencing. I didn't realize it when it was happening because it didn't feel too bad at the moment. I wanted to hold more than what was necessary for me to hold, and sometimes I forget that I live with mental health injuries that, when exacerbated, will leave me working through the consequences. I'm taking my advice and paying attention to even small things that could seem not a big deal but are truly harmful.
Pay attention to even small things that could be harmful. You'll soon enough know if you're overreacting or need to take action.
Claim Your Space
It can seem like too much to ask those you are in relationships with to ask for permission to share with you, but the reality is that most of the harm done to us is by other people, whether intentionally or not. Over the past few years, I've redrawn boundaries that encourage the people I am in relationships with to ask before jumping into heavy conversations with me. Many will ask, "Do you have space to hear this?" or "Can I vent to you for a minute?" They ask for permission more often before jumping into it. I do the same. As we embark on this life journey together, we need to consider one another. We are all carrying something.
Protect Yourself
When you think of your heart and mind, do you give everyone access to these delicate parts of yourself? If you do, I want to encourage you to be a little more defensive and be more protective to keep yourself from harm.
We must take note and intentionally protect ourselves. This protectiveness doesn't mean becoming closed off, but it does allow you to be intentional about who has access to you. I must remind each of us that no one can protect you the way that you can protect yourself. Not too long ago, my inner child revealed herself with such clarity, "Latonya, you are no longer a child. If you are hurt now, you can do something about it." Hearing those words opened up something within that I had yet to experience. Remember, you know what causes you pain, what you don't like, what makes you feel yucky or sad. So, you are the best person to protect yourself.
Reject Negativity
I know I am not the only one who's been in situations where someone jokes around and thinks their words or behavior is funny, but it hurts. Like, why would you say that? But no one says anything because a pass has been given about it simply being a personality difference or such common behavior that there is no need to be sensitive.
Even if they speak that way to everyone, and they're just joking around. We need more spaces that allow the offended to acknowledge the impact. Each of us needs to acknowledge these instances. When there isn't acknowledgment, it's one of those tiny things that inevitably cause greater pain to appear if it keeps getting picked.
Continue Living
I've talked about harm and protecting ourselves, but I don't want any of us to stop shining our lights in the greater world. I carry my beliefs with me everywhere I go, but I also know that there is some space between my boundaries and the world I live in. I know that connection with other humans is mandatory to a full life, and I know that none of us are perfect, which means I might witness behaviors and content that I prefer not. I know that I can't always control what's happening in the room that I am entering, but I can always leave the room without disrupting others.
My empathy is high, so I cannot be part of every hard conversation or book club about inequalities. I respectfully decline or step out of the room when it gets too much. I permit myself to tap out. I am also vulnerable enough that many people who interact with me know about my sensitivities, beliefs, and boundaries.
Don't become so rigid that you've isolated yourself; instead, hold your heart and mind in a nurturing and caring way so that it's not battered, and you're not having to sit around and pick up the pieces because of all the micro things are happening to you.
One Last Thing About Guarding the Heart and Mind
I balance between becoming rigid and protecting myself by practicing awareness. I'm aware of what hurts my feelings, whether external or internal, because we can hurt our own feelings. Sometimes we can hurt our feelings worse than other people. Awareness of my thoughts and feelings makes a big difference in how I move through the next moment and informs me in the future-- if something similar happens again.
Guarding our minds and hearts is essential because whatever we take in, it will also be what we give out. If we take in a lot of negativity, we will give out a lot of negativity. If we take in a lot of hurts, a lot of times we'll give out a lot of hurts, and you know the saying, "hurt people hurt people."
If we don't want to be the hurt people going back to hurt other people, then we have to be the first line of defense in stopping negativity, harmful actions, unhelpful content from entering our hearts and minds, to begin with.
I like to lean into scriptures, especially when guarding my mind, like Philippians 4:8. It's one of my favorite scriptures—the whatever scripture where it talks about whatever's true, whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is praiseworthy, think on those things. Of course, you can read the whole scripture to get the other parts, but leaning into that scripture, helps me to keep things in focus, and it helps me to be intentional.
Another scripture that I would like to share is Proverbs 4:23, "Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it." So again, whatever you take in is pretty much what you're going to give out. A joy-filled life for me is one filled with peace. I couldn't imagine feeling peaceful if all I'm letting out is harm or pain because that's what I've been taking in.
How do you guard your heart and mind to live a joy-filled life?