How I Pursue Joy While Grieving
A month or so after the car accident, my therapist shared an episode of This American Life with me about delight. To this day, it's one episode in my replay toolkit because it helped me remember that I can find delight even in the hard moments. As I am writing this, my family is caring for our forever pup, who is at the end of her life. She doesn't seem to be suffering, so we're caring for her for a little while longer. I am not going to lie and say this is easy because many tears have been shed. But amid the sadness, pursuing joy remains an option.
Ten Ways I Pursue Joy While Grieving
I practice gratitude. I use my Passion Planner to document gratitude each day. I write 1 to 3 things that I am grateful for as an opportunity for reflection.
I connect with my immediate family, including our dog, Eva. Knowing that we are losing her is sad, but it would be sadder if I weren't intentional with the time we have left together. I choose to enjoy her while she is still here.
I take time to create. Writing, painting, and decorating my planner all offer space for creativity. I do activities that allow me to step away from my normal work and create new things that inspire me.
Make time for friends. Even though I have a family, I know time with my friends is just as important. They can make me laugh and listen to my concerns. Likewise, I can make them laugh and listen to their concerns.
Connect with my Creator. Sometimes it can feel like what's the point of praying. I know that my prayer won't make Eva well again, and I could choose not to pray at all, but instead, I choose to pray for what I hope is possible, like Eva's comfort and that we make the right decision for her. I also pray for our comfort and peace and others experiencing the same.
Get outside. Now, it's cold outside, but I step outside on the porch to catch some fresh air. It's hard to feel joyous if the air feels stale. But, on the other hand, the shift can be refreshing and serve as a reminder of hope.
Journaling is my favorite. I started journaling consistently after the car accident. This practice allows me to clear my head and remain aware of my feelings and needs.
Be honest. If I deny my true feelings, it's nearly impossible for me to feel joyous. So I am honest about the pain that I experience from grief. I don't push the uncomfortable feelings away because it takes too much effort and doesn't resolve the pain.
Just move. I started doing the boxing program on Peloton last week to help me move my body differently than I normally do, and I must admit it feels good to challenge myself to do something new and move my body.
Keep living. Depression is very real for me, but I am grateful through work and tools that I don't have to succumb to depression. I choose to keep moving each day, doing some of the things that I enjoy, and when I can't, I am okay with that, too, because uncomfortable feelings remind me that I am still living.
Stay in the present. This one is a bonus. I didn't realize how much anxiety took me out of the present moment until this experience with Eva. So, while letting go, I am learning to stay alert in the here and now. I don't worry about how Eva will feel ten minutes from now, but instead, I keep my mind on what is happening right now. Right now, she's sleeping, my daughter is watching Into the Spiderverse, and I am typing on my computer. That's what's happening right now, and I am happy to experience it.
Pursuing joy while grieving doesn't mean that I am bouncing off the walls happy, but it does mean that I can smile, make good memories, and enjoy what is happening at the moment. We all have different people, resources, and exercises that make us happy. Your pursuit of joy may look different from mine, but I hope you have a list of things that bring you joy.
Share how you find joy amid grief and other hard moments in the comments.