The Intersection of Joy and Pain

In late October, early November, I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). My diagnosis came as a result of a Tahoe running my Cruze off of a local interstate. As I worked to steady myself, I was bombarded with well-meaning advice to get back behind the wheel and to keep moving forward because at least you are alive. These well-intentioned words did not offer me comfort. No one outside of my body couldn't have known the experience I was having within. My body was quivering even though this wasn't visible by the naked eye. Though my outer appearance hadn't changed, there were more pieces than I could count of myself. There was something wrong with me, and I knew it even if no else did.

For nearly two weeks, I sat in shock. I've learned that this is normal after a traumatic experience.

If you would've asked me in October or November if it was possible to hold onto small moments of joy, I probably would've said yes, but I wouldn't have been able to tell you how.

Experiencing Joy While Working through Trauma

The accident was preparation for the traumatic events that are currently happening around the world. We are amid a pandemic and unrest throughout communities due to the unnecessary death of George Floyd. The world is deafening now with opinions and commentary every which way you look.

I've come across well-intentioned advice like that I received after the accident that tends to do more harm than good when people are actively looking for ways to make their lives and communities better. It saddens me because if one isn't experiencing the pain, they have no empathy for those who are. While we can't change the hearts of others, we can continue to seek change while living in a state of joy. If you haven't read Philippians 4, I highly encourage you to do so. Paul rejoices throughout this book while being imprisoned.

As I've come to understand myself and my conditions, I can share some ways I, too, have continuously experienced joy during pain.

Speak Your Truth

At a young age, I learned to stuff my thoughts as an attempt not to offend or be seen as having a smart-mouth. I've since learned that the way I think about what's going on around me is a gift, and the way I speak isn't because I desire to be opinionated or any other negative word that describes someone who is saying something a person doesn't want to hear.

When I speak my truth, I free myself. I free myself from the pain that is caused by holding stuff in to spare others. Lately, Black voices are sharing our experiences in America across social media. I am happy that we, Black folks, are speaking our truth. I know it probably doesn't feel pleasant to the offenders, but let me tell you it feels freeing to those who are letting it out.

When I share whether through journaling privately, blogging, podcasting, or therapy, there's a release, and because I'm allowing some not great stuff out, I can make room inside of me for thoughts, words, and actions that refuel me. Speaking my truth also comes with rejoicing because I can't go through something and not walk away with praises. My pain and frustrations are often intersected by some of the best moments of my life.

Step Away

My family and friends keep me laughing. Yes, I laugh even though I am working through trauma. Trauma hasn't stolen my humor or date nights with my husband or jokes with my daughters. You can still experience some of the good stuff that is part of your life.

It is crucial not to lose yourself in your trauma. I shared on one of my journal podcast episodes that I didn't want to get lost in my PTSD. What I meant by that is I didn't desire for PTSD to become my identity. PTSD, Depression, and anxiety are part of my story and part of who I am, but they are not all of me. I am still caring, funny, real, dependable, and so on.

Choosing to step away from social media, people, and environments that make you feel stuck in your trauma is essential. I had to step away from my physician of five years because he wasn't the best doctor for me as I work through trauma. He made me feel worse. I have unfriended folks on social media because their words were not helpful to what I am going through. It's hard to find joy when every which way you turn, you're being told to get over it or move on. Make the decision today to step away from any space that is causing you harm, even if it means you will have to be uncomfortable as you shift to something new.

Allow space in your life to laugh, have fun, and celebrate. We have to be able to hold joy and pain at the same time. The joy allows you not to be taken under while the pain reminds you that there's more fighting to be done.

Create a Supportive Community Around You

Those who surround you are important. As I work through trauma, I have a few friends that I trust help me carry my burden. I mean, my circle is pretty tight. While I don't mind sharing some of my story with you on Joy in the Ordinary podcast and blog or social media channels, some stuff is reserved just for myself and God, my therapist, my family, and a few friends. If I am trying to figure something out, I won't dump that into a room of strangers with multiple opinions and no context. You have to be mindful of who you are sharing your story.

I don't know about you, but I was taught "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me," I'm here to tell you that isn't true. Words can hurt much more than sticks and stones, so choose what you want to share and who you share it with, carefully, and ask God to cover and comfort you as you make others aware of your story.

If you are a Believer, you know that we can't look to only experience the glory of the Messiah without experiencing the suffering too. I encourage you to not rush past these moments of pain, but instead fully sit in them so you can experience a growth that wouldn't be possible without them. Don't allow the world around you to attempt to silence you so things can go back to normal as soon as possible. We aren't here to make others comfortable.